The successful caregiver

During the rocky first weeks after my loved one’s diagnosis, I got a lot of information and had a lot of talks. It was all very clinical and practical. What meds should she be taking? What’s the prognosis for the disease? Do we have our affairs in order?

I wish someone had taken me aside, though, and said: Aaron, you’re a caregiver now, whether you like it or not. Now, what would it take to make sure your work was successful?

The word would’ve taken me by surprise. Success? How can I be a success when there is no cure for my loved one. I can’t nurse her back to health, so doesn’t this journey end in failure?

Surprisingly, as I found over time, I found that I could indeed be a successful caregiver. But I had to define my goal differently than I did when caring for Diane’s breast cancer, or when Diane was caring for me during my worst days with leukemia.

Give a man a goal, he’s going to find a way. And here was the way for me. I think it will work with other caregivers, too.

A successful caregiver makes the life of their loved one as peaceful, painless, and pleasurable as they can.

Successful caregiving was not about the future, it was about the here and now — a moment, a day, a season.

Success in caregiving is setting a goal that puts our loved one first. It means setting a standard for care that is high yet achievable. And then later on, when our journey is over, and we are looking back through our tears, we see and understand that we did right by our loved one.