Slowly and subtly

A caregiver video assures us that “dementia progresses slowly and subtly over time.” You could also say that of an active volcano that’s creeping toward your house. We actually did move to a new house in a different state, but soon the volcano was coming from inside the house.

Slowly, subtly, my loved one was turning into a person radically different than the person I knew a short time ago. This person was not just forgetful but often confused and highly emotional. Their personality seemed a 180-degree turn from the person I married.

Caregiver support groups know the rhyme: Pauline Boss, Ambiguous Loss. It’s true, my feelings were conflicted as I bade a slow farewell to that person I had loved so well for so long. But as a practical matter, I had to get to know this new wife in my house.

One reason men should join an all-guys support group is that everyone in the room is learning this same practice. Slowly and subtly, these men find ways to love their loved ones all over again.