How to lose arguments

Like all couples, we had our squabbles. We tried to fight fairly and make up lovingly. I was the hothead, she was the restrained one. I got a lot of feedback about the tone of my voice. I tried to do better. Didn’t always succeed.

Now here she was, unshackled by dementia, paying me back with interest. She would have a meltdown over the most innocuous things, like tooth-brushing. Or I would tell her one of our inside jokes — the kind that exactly two people in the world find hilarious, and tell each other for years — only to find that she no longer thinks it’s funny at all.

In situations like this, the only way to restore order and bring peace back to our household was for me to apologize profusely and try to make it up to her.

Looking back now, I wish I’d learned to lose arguments much earlier. Diane’s condition forced me to practice empathy, and helped make me a better human.